break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
