were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
