I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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