Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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