I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
