just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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