No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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