What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
