I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
