he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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