I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
