Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
