i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just googled if crying burns calories
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
