I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
