and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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