I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
