I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
where does the pee come out of this thing
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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