pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
