That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
