I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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