It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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