Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you win again, gameday.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
