please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
