Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
