I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
