you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
