And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
