Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
