Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
