Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
