We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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