Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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