she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
kristin has been a bad kristin
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
