Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
