You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
