Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
