Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
