i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
