I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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