You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
