I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The best revenge is premature balding
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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