She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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