I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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