i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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