is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
as a side note pls kill me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
