i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
