I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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