Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
