I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
