I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
