and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
