How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're like the curious george of whores
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You are the jesus of drinking
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
